I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
