if i died would you start the facebook group?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
