i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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