Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
