how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
