I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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