i jhust puked up my retainher.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
