are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
