Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
