I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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