I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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