So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
