Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
