She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
