I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
