I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
