im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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