i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
