I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
