I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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