And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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