they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
