I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
