Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
