Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
