If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
