your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
