You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
