If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
