Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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