Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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