you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
