I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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