i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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