What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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