This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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