Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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