I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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