Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
