she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
