Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am midnight drunk by noon
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
