OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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