im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
