What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
