I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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