Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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