Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
