i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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