The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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