You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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