ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
