the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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