He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
