**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
