So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
