For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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